Confession: Repression

A secret lies lurking beneath the surface,

Dirty and dark as the dust of the earth is. 

Fortified fear makes me feel worthless

As it feasts and feeds and mingles mirthless. 

What fears restrict that secret so steadfast and strong?

Not that of abandonment for being headstrong,

Nor of loss so great of those who matter

Nor of looming doom of being battered. 

My mind warns of waging a sin

That no creature in hell or heaven believes in. 

Fear remains and reels inside

As I search for what is real and hide

My feelings from myself above all,

For the fewer I feel, the softer I’ll fall. 

Increasing the pressure, I look like a locksmith

Addressing the closed cage of my conscience. 

My feelings, fears bottled like the Pandora’s Box myth. 

What evil or taboo could affect those who knew?

As Pandora unleashed a world of pain,

It seems sane to hesitate, to wait for fate

To pull its lease and force out that secret for all to see. 

Seething, the secret whispers, cracking open

Its lead enclosure, clothed surely in desperation:

For all the pain and fear she wrought,

There was one other thing she brought. 

The secret yearns for that hope. 

Finally bursts the dam. 

The truth rushes, gushes forth. 

I feel reprieve as I conceive who I am,

Elation worthy of celebration. 

The secret was a weight around my neck,

Tying me to the ground. 

Lighter than air and younger than springtime

Am I as the truth I expound. 

Floating through space, I find

Lingering fear within my mind. 

No longer without a place,

But with such power to debase

My conscience and my confidence. 

Leering fear which finds me forlorn’ll

Stop me pursuing this action normal. 

A confession: 

From these fears came a protection,

Which grew into a repression

And thus deepened my depression.